Here I stand, a whole man no longer
by Kevin Joe Bays
Summary: A look through Kuno's eyes


This is probably not a completely original line of thought, but I felt like writing this. This is what I see in the mind of Kuno.  
  
Here I Stand, A Whole Man no Longerby Kevin Baysversion 1.1  
  
I stand before this mirror because something inside me is wrong. I feel it every day just before I got to school. Today, I have determined that I shall put up with it no longer.  
  
I am Takewaki Kuno and till this point of my life I appeared to be as certain of everything I did and of everything around me as I could be. I was sure I was the greatest fighter in the lands. I was sure Akane Tendo was my true love. I even believed the pig-tailed girl fell in love with me at first sight. I felt that these things were true since part of me wanted them to be. Parted me told me they could only be true...  
  
I tell myself Akane does not love me and a voice inside me always overpowers mine and tells me I'm wrong. I think, 'the pig-tailed girl is not in love with me.' and once again, the voice speaks louder then mine saying that there is only love there. Even when I saw the truth, the voice would always say the opposite was true.  
  
I feel sick when I think about how I chase Ranma when he is in female mode and for my behavior against his male side, I want to commit suicide to redeem my honor. Most people believe that I do not know about Ranma Saotome's curse. It's not me that is confused. It's the voice and it accepts reality.  
  
Tell me voice, how much longer must I hear you! When will you give me my freedom? If I could, I would cast off everything I have in this life and set out for China. I would wander in the lonely mountains until I could see only myself.  
  
I tell you there was a time when the voice was not so strong. In fact, there was a time when the voice did not exist and I was alone. When my mother passed away so long ago, I tried to turn to my father. He was of no help since he always seemed preoccupied. As I think about this now, I realize it may have been possible that he too had a voice that overpowered him too. Alas, I am not ready to find out.  
  
When my father was of no comfort in my times of need, I found I did not have anyone. So, I began a running dialog with my self and gave birth to the voice. It was a small thing and provided me with much needed comfort when I was alone. Soon though, I began to have troubles and found I was not strong enough to do what needed to be done.   
  
That's when the voice grew stronger. It encouraged me. Told me I could even if I thought I couldn't. It told me I was a winner even though I felt like a loser.  
  
To this day, I have not yet figured out when the voice changed from supporting me to supporting it's self. I found one day as I walked down the street that the voice would make comments about everything I saw. The encouragement shifted to only those things that encouraged it's own growth and told me everything else was not needed.  
  
One day, I tried to fight the voice. I told it I no longer needed it. I put up a good front, but by then, I relied so much on the guidance of the voice that when it stopped, I found myself without a place in the world.  
  
That's when I pleaded to the voice. Told it I was sorry and I gave it the loudest voice. So it is my fault the voice has what it does have. I only hope that today, I can finally speak and hear only my words.  
  
If I had to guess, most would have a simple question for me. Why did I not turn to my sister? I tell you this. My sister reminds me a great deal of my late mother. Every time I look at her, all I can see is my mom. The pain ended up fueling the voice even more until I began to completely avoid my sister.  
  
Later I learned that the voice was in her too. I felt sorry for her. Once I am strong enough to stop mine, I promise to the heavens I shall help her get free of her's.  
  
Until that day, I stand before the mirror each day and repeat this mantra and hope it gives strength to my own voice. I feel that is the only way I can win. I must become the master of my house and my self. 


End file.
